Landscape of my Soul; Vulnerability, Intimacy and Courage

 

 

“Interconnectivity”

Landscape of my Soul; Vulnerability, Intimacy & Courage

As I work on my mural “Landscape of my Soul” I want to continue to share my process of creating Transformational Art. Each time I begin to work on the three panels I have to move through many layers of my psyche to reach the space of depth I consider my core or the true essence of my soul. The layers I move through depend upon the conditions and interactions in my daily life. This is the inter-relationship between my working world, my family, my friends, potential lovers and my artwork. It really is the “interconnectivity” of it all. That is, my emotional state, my feeling state, my mental and spiritual wellbeing. They are all weaved together. There is no separation.

 

The sneak peek picture above is a good example of the complexity that occurs with my interconnectivity with all areas of my life. As I begin on the passage above, I look for flow and relationship with lines, shapes, light and dark. As I begin to put the brush to canvas I have to move through emotions to get to feelings. For this passage, I had to face many negative and dark emotions and thoughts in various areas of my life to get to my core of feeling. This can take several hours. But it is the active meditation and practice of applying the spiritual wisdom I’ve learned over 25 years. It is the journey to my core, the essence of my soul.

 

When negative and dark thoughts occur during this process, I begin to face it, identify it and ask it to dissipate. I breathe and I move from my center and allow the brush stroke to emerge from a deeper space within. There comes a point whether in minutes or hours where the transformation shifts into a high energetic state of being. It is a very palatable feeling in my body and I no longer interpret this energy as pathology. To move to this space, and share this part of me has me in a very vulnerable place. When I try to protect it, guard it or hide it then the negative dark thoughts accelerate. But when I let it be and feel it without interpretation then it moves into a very intimate space. This is where my courage arises and assists me to allow this transformation to occur. It is the feeling and experience of a deep intimate connection with my soul.

Landscape of My Soul

An unknown destination fully supported by my soul. I can’t see the path as I climb up the cliffs toward the blue sky. Frustration, depression occurs. I want to know where I’m going. Two fierce lionesses appear in two separate dreams. In one dream a lioness is very fierce and independent but wants to partner with me. In the other dream she is nurturing me and wants me to feel my courage is always within.

The lionesses are here to support me with courage to explore the unknown landscape of my soul and the unknown direction of my life here in Chicago. They are the living images of my dreams that have come forward to partner with me. The fierceness of nature is accessible to me and yet I can bring forward this power with a nurturing flow.

I petition my soul to assist me to create my path from the unknown. Nothing moves until my paintbrush engages the surface and begins a shape or the flow of a line. Doubt occurs and I let doubt float by as if I watch a cloud move and dissipate in a summer sky. I end one paint stroke and another begins and they flow and communicate with each other. Shapes combine and fall apart. Gradually a structure appears. A landscape begins, but has no end. There is no horizon, there is no foreground. There is immense darkness and a powerful light.

I am discovering the form and shape my soul has in the moment that I paint. It has structure and it is unlike any structure known to me. I feel my soul’s vibration and it is the fierceness of the lioness and the sweet essence of the kiss from a woman. I run with the lioness and I am kissing a woman. This is the paint stroke, this is for me to trust and the courage to follow my soul.

Falling Bridge, Mesa Verde Hummingbird and Protecting Colorful Babies

The path up through Mesa Verde Canyon

I dreamt I was observing two bridges and one was falling apart while the other one was strong and sturdy during a sunny day.

In another dream I was climbing on a sunny day in an area that looked like Mesa Verde. I was with a woman and I was carrying two hummingbird eggs. Both were cracked. While I held the eggs I saw that the bird in the smaller egg would not survive. The other egg was quite large and fit into my entire hand. I could see the bird moving and emerging within the shell of the egg. A hummingbird flew around my head while I was thinking about the survivability of the birds. I hoped that it was not me that caused the eggs to crack. As I was climbing through the path in the cliffs I was no longer carrying the eggs. I came upon a small cove and saw that the eggs were in the cove. The large egg was in the rear of the cove and the baby bird was still moving and emerging from the egg. The smaller egg was in the front part of the cove and the baby bird was out of the shell but it was dead.

 

Petroglyph National Monument; Emerging spirit being through the portal from the unseen world.

The last dream I was in a home that was in a place with a civil war going on outside. There were snipers outside shooting at anything that was moving. Inside the house I was worried about the babies and wanting to assure they were protected. In my mind’s eye I could see that there were 3 colorful multi-racial babies and the snipers outside were not harming them.

I’ve lived in suburban Chicago for a year now. I just recently moved to a smaller one-bedroom apartment. I no longer needed a two-bedroom apartment since my daughter has a job that keeps her busy on the weekends in Indiana. My new apartment has a good layout so I can use the living area as a studio. However, living here has been a big change from being constantly engaged in my daughter’s life to being a long distance father. I have said to my Mother on our weekly calls that I now understand what “empty nest” means and the feeling of emptiness. It has certainly been a lot more challenging than I thought.

As the dreams indicate my old bridge is no longer there to provide a path for me. But there is another bridge that is strong, intact and leads somewhere. The message of the hummingbird goes back 20 years for me. When I was in Palenque Mexico in the early 1990’s a hummingbird flew around my head and ears. I also saw a hummingbirds nest with it’s tiny eggs. The eggs in my dream were much larger. The dream is telling me I am on a path going up through Mesa Verde. I am going somewhere, but I can’t see where the path is going. But the feeling of Mesa Verde is similar to Copan Honduras. It is an energized, clear & clean feeling and I can sense the support of the Mesa Verde canyon. It contains the essence of possibilities aligned with nature.

Almost to the top of Mesa Verde Canyon

The last dream I am worried about being in a civil war zone with snipers outside. I want to protect the colorful multi-racial babies. But the emotional undercurrent of the dream is that babies are alive and well but I am worried because I can’t control what is going on outside of me.

These dreams are telling me that I am very much in an unknown space and can’t see where the path is leading me. Something new has given birth in my psyche that is diverse and colorful but I am worried about it. The dreams are also saying that I am well supported with various forms of nature in my new emergence.

This weekend I took the opportunity to stretch canvas on three 40” x 40” frames I’ve had for many years. These will be three new paintings that I will nurture as my colorful multi-racial babies in my studio. I will create these three paintings with the force of mindfulness of bringing forward into my psyche the essence of the Mesa Verde path to a new unknown destination in which I am fully supported with the forces of nature.

 

Three new paintings to focus with mindfulness my emergence indicated in my dreams.

War

After my dream with Jorge and the Lady with White Sequins I was practicing the Tonglen Meditation. In this meditation I was asking the critic, the unbeliever and the judgmental parts of myself to come into my heart and requesting the energy of my heart to dissolve these parts. I stated that these attributes no longer serve me and to allow the  next levels of kindness, compassion, love and creativity to come into my energy fields and body.

Once I did this with several meditations I had a dream of war. In the dream I was watching a protest much like the Occupy protests. I was viewing this from the sky and saw that the police were using new machines to roll over the protesters and kill them. Next I found myself on ground level with the protesters and they were all men. They were furious at the massacre and were going to all run at the police. I said no we can’t do that and all get killed we must have a better plan. We all went into a building but the police followed us and we were fighting them room by room. End of dream.

This was the sign for me that the internal war was waging in my psyche by asking my old patterns with the critic, the unbeliever and judgmental parts of me to dissolve and leave my body. I continued with the Tonglen meditation to dissolve the old parts and ask for the new energy to come in. I also embraced the women that were in my previous dreams and asked them to co-create my new life with me. I was remembering that the images in my dreams are living images and sometimes actual spirit beings coming to work with me. I was embracing the women as if they were physical beings.

I am continuing with the Tonglen meditation and asking my spirits, beings and deities to assist and co-create with me to manifest my new artistic vision. My dreams have now shifted past the war but are working at a deep level. So the present dream stories are not being revealed at this time so I must get to work on my art….

A painting in progress where I am working with the beings of Chaco Canyon and a being from a fire ritual from Guatemala

Jorge, The Unbeliever, and, The Execution

Dream one; The Acrobat and the Communicator with Deities from the Spiritual World

I was attending an event with my friend Jorge from Central America. He was an extreme acrobat and was going to do a performance for his brother. His brother walks in with an entourage of women. He does not believe his brother can do anything. I was excited that Jorge was about to display his talents. Jorge came in and at that moment a huge video screen appeared. As Jorge walked by the video screen, animated beings would come up to him in an excited manner and they would stare into each other eyes for a few seconds. Then the next being appeared and did the same thing. This happened very quickly one after the other on this huge screen.

Emerging Spiritual Being at Petroglyph National Monument

Synchronicity in the physical world; The Unbeliever

I’ve been looking for another place to live when my lease is up in August. I was looking on Craigslist and saw two houses for rent in my price range and sent a note asking if they were still available. The one response I received was from a missionary who left the states “to preach the Gospel to the unbelievers in Africa” and they are looking for someone to rent their house “that has the fear of God in them”. This house had a nice room with a hardwood floor in it that would make a good art studio. I was quite humored to think that I would rent this house as I paint images from the spiritual world that would challenge most Christians.

Dream two;  Pending Execution of a Young Woman

This morning I had a dream that a young woman had a pending execution scheduled for the next day. I was panicked to find a way to prevent this. However, this young woman was not in prison but free and she was not fearful.

Lately my dreams have been very vivid about my next level of artwork that is emerging. They’ve been very clear that my art is about the relationship and interconnected nature with my spiritual world. And my dreams are saying my relationship with the beings and deities in my spiritual world are very active, animated and already have a strong relationship with me. Now, it was humorous to receive the email from the missionary because this synchronous event was a message for me to be aware of my own unbeliever and fear about my art. The last dream about the pending execution of the young woman was a blunt reminder of some deep part of my psyche that wants to execute the emerging creative feminine that is now available for me. In fact, as the first dream points out, there is a whole entourage of young fearless women already supporting me. So I went into meditation to embrace the young woman in the dream and accept her support. In the meditation I asked to let go of the unbeliever to live in partnership with the largeness of the animated spiritual world  that is looking right at me.

Spiritual Beings Emerging from a Fire Ritual in Guatemala

Renoir, Monet and the Lady in White Sequins

In dream one I was looking at a rare portrait of a man by Renoir. It was realistically drawn but it had many layers of paint and paint drippings on top. The face was hardly there but at a distance it captured the essence of the man. Then a woman came up and said there was a meeting I had to go to.

In dream two there was an art show of two large 8 foot by 16 foot long paintings that had horizontal fields of soft blue with small lines of red orange. They had a Monet feel in the large paintings. I bought a painting from this art show of a woman with a hummingbird in it.

In dream three I was painting pictures on the inside walls of a house. I took blue pastel and went outside and applied it to the legs of three teenage girls. I went inside and applied the blue pastel over the paintings on the wall.

In dream four I could see the energy fields on some abstract paintings. The paintings were outside but did not have any damage since they were protected by the energy fields. I looked at a painting that had a two inch thick weaving on top of it and it was protected by the energy fields. A woman came up and said I was an apprentice to a shaman because I was of the few who really understood the shamanic consciousness. She said my paintings are protected by the energy fields and are portals to the unseen world. A beautiful older woman appeared with long white hair and in white sequins. She said the shaman can teach me the depths of the energy fields and how they naturally protect me and my paintings and yet they are portals for all people to open up to the energy fields of the unseen world. At that moment we were communicating telepathically & holographically on the energy fields in my paintings.

These dreams occurred over two days. I’ve had dreams before on my artwork but never this many over two days.  During that two days I was working on a painting and suddenly became very tired. I laid down and fell asleep for two hours. I never nap for longer than 20-30 minutes. But it was a nap that when I was waking up something would pull me back under. This happened three times. It was like my nap dream was requiring me to sleep so I could get re-wired. The next couple days  I was dis-oriented and had to put a lot of effort to focus in my corporate job.

After having a dialogue with a friend about my dreams it occurred to me that my latest art experiments were a taking my art to another level and yet I had not consciously recognized it. The dreams put the awareness of my change right into my face. Art, art, art with the energy fields I’ve explored for over 20 years.

The last three years I’ve committed to working as a ritual communicator in my corporate job and my art. This is how the Maya of Guatemala practice the ancient traditions in their rituals with the unseen world. Most often with candles and fires. It is the way of communicating and co-creating with the unseen spiritual world.

I’ve taken some images of my fire ritual painting and have combined them with my experience at Petroglyph National Monument. These images are very similar to me. The  images I saw emerge from the fire are similar beings that are on the ancient lava rock at Petroglyph National Monument.

After reviewing these dreams over the last few weeks, I’ve started to see what my art is starting to move towards. It’s a combination of my realistic work with the abstract shapes and forms I see and feel. And it’s taking my ritual communicator experience with the present modern “seen” world and it’s relationship to the unseen spiritual world. Somehow I am meant to further evolve my art work so it is a portal that others can experience. It is also for me to continue with my shamanic apprenticeship and I will be assisted by the deep feminine presence of the Lady in White Sequins.

Mother of God, Similar to Fire; The conversation with our spiritual world

I had a conversation with a friend several weeks prior to my Florida vacation on the “deep”‘ feminine, Virgin Mary and Our Lady of Guadalupe. Essentially we were discussing Jung’s description of the feminine archetype. This is a challenging concept for most of us because we want to make it gender based and about someone outside of our own psyche. It took me years of exploring the deep feminine concept in my psyche with meditation and with my art. I’ll give an example in this story.

I moved to the Chicago area last August and after working long hours for many months I began to have a longing for a connection to the deep feminine. I bought candles of Our Lady of Guadalupe, began painting roses again and considered joining internet dating. I had conversations with my paintings “Rose Goddess” and “Our Lady of the Golden Flower” and reflected back on the creation of these paintings.  So, through my conversation with my friend he suggested two books; “Untie the Strong Woman” by Clarissa Pinkola-Estes and “The Hummingbird’s Daughter” by Luis Alberto Urrea. This was perfect as I was preparing to go on a spring break vacation with my teenage daughter and her friend.

Destin Beach Evening

While on vacation I spent time in the mornings and evenings walking the beach and during the day I would read and sketch. Through the book “Untie the Strong Woman” I learned of the artist George Yepes and was inspired by his Guadalupe images and his large spiritual work. I made several attempts to sketch a Madonna face and it was like I never had drawn before. After a day of trying to make something work I abandoned the sketch and started to just freeform what wanted to come out. What emerged in my sketch was a stylistic image merging the Our Lady of Guadalupe and my painting Our Lady of the Golden Flower. The release of this image created a softening inside of me that I became aware of during my walks along the beach. Here was the reminder again that I can bring this feeling into more areas of my life. A softened perception of myself, of my corporate life and of the new life I am meant to create in Chicago.

Also through the book “Untie the Strong Woman” I was led to a book on icon art of the Madonna by Father William McNichols titled “Mother of God, Similar to Fire”. I ordered this online while on vacation from the inspiration that maybe these images will help me create a series of paintings of Madonna images. I thought this may help me connect with this longing for the deep feminine to understand what it meant for me.

Once back home I prepared to venture out into the Chicago area to connect with the art community and search for studio space. I prepared in my mediations and asked my spiritual world to assist me and help me become aware of the best path for me. So on a Friday evening I traveled on the train downtown to explore a “Second Friday Artwalk” at the Fine Arts building on Michigan avenue. I went up to the 9th floor and I did not see any art studios opened. I walked down to the 7th floor and went into a studio that was shared by three women. They were very friendly and we talked at length about their art and how they really enjoy life in the Chicago area. They were very generous in offering assistance to me in connecting with the art community and finding studio space. After this fun conversation I continued through the building speaking with artists and hearing their story.

As I was walking through the 5th floor I saw an open office with a print of Alex Grey and immediately walked in. This was an office of acupuncturist Dana and I mentioned the Alex Grey print and how I saw him speak at a Noetic Science conference many years ago. I asked to see her office and I saw another print of Peruvian shaman and asked if she had been to Peru. She said she apprenticed to a shaman for ten years to learn the energies of the light body. This opened the conversation to our similar experiences and exploring energies over a long period of time. It was exciting to meet someone who could go deep into a conversation about my esoteric subjects and having shared experiences.

As we spoke I began to share about an experience in Guatemala I had walking up to an active volcano. This came up as we went from energies of the human body to the earth energies. I was traveling with a group that explored these very topics. We went to Mayan ruins and stopped in several villages to connect with the contemporary Maya, met with Mayan Shaman to do rituals and the last part was to hike up to the volcano. We walked up a path to see the volcano and as the path changed to lava gravel there was a big change from just hiking to feeling like I was walking in waist deep water even though the path was firm. We continued just up a to where we could view the volcano at a safe distance and several of us sat down to meditate. As I went deeper into the mediation I felt like I was flying off the mountain. It was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. This was my first experience to connect with the deep earth energies and it would be many years later that I would begin to grasp the power of the deep feminine.

After I shared this story with Dana she pointed to another picture on her wall of a mountainous European scene and said that she had the same experience in the location of a dormant volcano in Italy. The conversation continued as I described my artwork and how Transformational Art creates a relationship to one’s soul. At that point she offered to show my work in her office which was an unexpected delight and surprise.

As I left the building I was very excited about meeting the artists, learning about the Chicago artist community and meeting someone that could share the depth of experience that I’ve had. I decided to treat myself to dinner instead of heading right to the train station. I entered an Italian restaurant on Jackson, ordered a glass of cabernet and a good meal. When I was most of the way through my meal the fire alarm went off in the restaurant. I continued to finish my meal while looking around to see if any danger existed. I asked for the check and paid just as the fire trucks were approaching and walked out the door as they pulled up to the curb. As I walked back to the train station I wondered what the metaphor was of the fire alarm and fire trucks. On the way back to Naperville I reflected on the experience of the evening and I knew I must seperate my excitement of the evening from the purpose of finding an art studio that could support me in my creative journey. I wanted something deeper in me to lead me to a space that would best support my journey.

The next day I picked up the book I ordered and quickly paged through the book as my mind decided that icon art was not for me. Later in the day I took my time with the book and could see the depth of feeling Fr. McNichols painted into each icon of Mary. At this moment it occurred to me that my story of the volcano, my experience in Santa Fe with Our Lady of the Golden Flower, my fire painting “Heart of Albar” all were created from “Mother of God, Similar to Fire”. The metaphor of the book title began to sink in. It was my communication from the unseen spiritual world that I have laid the foundation to paint and create in partnership with the deep earth energies “Similar to Fire”. And furthermore it started many years ago when I had to paint with the colors of fire for my rose paintings.

Heart of Albar

This reminded me of C.G. Jung on the subject synchroniscities and when I pay attention to the events and signs of the day that it ties into my story of emergence into the purpose of my life. There are no random events, there is an interconnectedness and wholeness tied to our soul and purpose of our story in this life. It also reminded me of the brilliant book by Vine Deloria Jr. “C.G. Jung and the Sioux Traditions” that brought together the indigenous wisdom that preceded Jung. It was again, another reminder, that if  I pay attention to all that is interacting with me and see the relation to depth of my psyche, that I can co-create with this awesome living story to live an empowered life.

"Erotic Fire"

Seeking Transcendence, Experiencing Transformation

Since November of 2011, transformative energies have been emerging through my body with the strength to shake my very foundation of my sense of self. The daily presence of transformative energies in my body challenges my intellectual mind which can subvert the presence of this energy into a story of fear, blame, shame or guilt. But through training, mediation, a good mentor, a mature re-focused awareness of the presence of transformative energies brings a dramatic shift into one’s consciousness.

Although I’ve been through this before in the early 1990’s, it was still frightening and for several months I still interpreted this energy as  a foreign presence that was dismantling my sense of self and threatening my physical wellbeing. My early 1990‘s experience on Oahu, Hawaii during a lomi lomi massage an energy emerged in my body that took several hours to move through me. During that time of intense energy coursing through my body I saw images in the surrounding Hawaiian landscape. Through later research these images turned out to be ancient Hawaiian deities that I found in indigenous Hawaiian art. Continued research after this event described more accurately as a Kundalini experience which was well documented in India. The below website link has an excellent article on Kundalini.

http://www.adishakti.org/subtle_system/kundalini.htm

My rosebud painting contains the energy and artistic feeling of my experience with these emerging energies.

"Bud of Emergence"
Kundalini emerges from within the body.

During the initial beginning of the re-emergence of this energy in my body, I was confused, lost my sense of self and frightened that I was contracting some severe physical illness. I did take myself to an emergency room to have my vitals and fortunately my physical exam turned out fine.

My painting called “Nectarian Visions of Maitreyi” was a prescient art piece of my kundalini experience. The close-up of a portion of this painting is a illustrative example of kundalini.

The Kundalini fire of my painting;
"Nectarian Visions of Maitreyi"

Now, back to the present moment, through meditation and participating in the shamanic rituals of the Tz’utujil Maya in the Guatemalan highlands, my daily energy experience now more manageable. I have experiences of feeling resonant energies which is very sensitive in my hands. Many times it brings to me the resonant frequencies of the buildings I am in. It also travels up my spinal column and into my brain. In certain times of the day my brain feels expansive and my intellectual mind moves into the background. This has been a struggle sometimes in my corporate job to allow and trust this shift away from the intellectual mind.

The feeling of wholeness and interconnectedness in my painting;
"Nectarian Visions of Maitreyi"

As I have come to learn with my kundalini experience it is teaching me to move into a wholeness within my body and consciousness, and it is showing me to bring the spiritual unseen realms into my daily experiences. Since I work in the corporate world, transitioning from the hardness of the intellectual corporate masculine mind into the shamanic self has been a challenge. I’ve become more aware of my hard driving self that gets caught in the mental trap of fear, blame, shame and guilt. As I become aware of this behavior in my daily work I have to distinguish all these feelings so I can more readily move into my shamanic consciousness. When I am in this moment of distinction I have the ability to co-create from a space of fierce compassion from a heart centered sense of wholeness. When I am able to allow this transformation, the energy in my body feels intense but supportive and whole.

In addition, the kundalini experience is bringing an inexplicable feeling and longing for the sacred. I’ve been drawn to the art of “Our Lady of Guadalupe”. I’ve had dreams of feminine motifs and metaphors. As usual my mind pretended not to know what this was. But as I reached out to the Chicago art world in the Chicago Creative Expo, I began to talk about my art and its connection to Jungian psychology. I began to become re-acquainted with the depth psychology of dreams and slowly understood the feminine motifs emerging in my dreams. In conjunction with the Tz’utujil Maya ritual practice of petitioning and co-creating with the unseen spiritual world I began to see the importance of my painting “Our Lady of the Golden Flower”.

Close-up of "Our Lady of the Golden Flower" displaying the mystical union of duality.

I became acquainted with the art of George Yepes and his images of the Madonna and Frida Kahlo. His art inspired me further to redevelop my relationship to the Madonna essence and I was led to the Mother of God icons of Fr. McNicols. So now my artistic self is being led down to explore the Madonna, Mother of God from the Jungian sense to the global expanse. This is somehow leading to another experiential level of allowing the birthing of the masculine self through the “Mother of God” to the mystical union of the masculine & feminine dualities through the kundalini experience.

Creativity and the Subtle Realms

The subtle realms of energetic beings, deities and angels ready to co-create.

Emergence from New Mexico

The ancient indigenous petitioning the deities of the spiritual world. Soul companions from the Heart of Everything.

Jung & The Rose Goddess, Shamanism & Our Lady of the Golden Flower,

Tending the Living Images of Transformational Art

The Rose Goddess

Rose Goddess Song by Jennifer Patterson

At the end of 2003 I started to read Jung’s autobiography “Memories, Dreams, Reflections” which is a very unusual memoir of his life as perceived from his inner realms of his psyche. I was inspired by the dialogue Jung created with what he believed were wise deities from the deep psychological aspects of his conscious and unconscious. I decided to experiment with this type of inner dialogue by taking the rose theme I was painting and call upon the deity “The Rose Goddess”. I was intrigued by the idea of accessing inner wise deities that were here to assist me in co-creating my daily life. I meditated upon the Rose Goddess, asked questions and journeled responses. It was during this exploration that quickened the restructuring of my inner and outer life. The very first time I petitioned the Rose Goddess it immediately surfaced unhealthy attitudes and behaviours within myself and within my current partner at the time. Sometime soon after this, we began a process of exploring in new ways what an empowered, integrated relationship would be like. From Jung and my previous explorations, I knew that my inner psychological world was calling for a unity and integration of polarities deep within my psyche and according to current psychological thought, these polarities were represented in the energies of the masculine and feminine forces. Eventually I began to see the incredible potentiality of an empowered inner relationship and outer relationship. It was the basis for a deep sacred marriage that was co-created together. I could sense new creative artistic pursuits that would emerge from within myself and within the outer marriage. It was feeling how a creative inspiration could be intimately connected from my soul’s story that would evolve my beingness and thinking. This could only come from an integrated, sacred marriage where the inner masculine and feminine forces would nurture and support each other to where the outer relationship would evolve into a whole new level of love. This was feeling driven inspiration that I had learned to trust after many years of exploring consciousness, spirituality and meditation.

Rose Goddess Sketch

This sketch eventually led to a large painting. During the process of painting I would use active meditation to work with the archetype of the rose within myself and the painting. When I thought I completed the painting, I commissioned Jennifer Patterson to write and record a song for the painting. Rose Goddess Song by Jennifer Patterson. I recommend meditating with this song to feel the archetype of the rose. After she created the music I realized I had to change the painting. The song had led to a deeper feeling to the painting that I wanted to capture.

As I painted more detail in the painting, it felt like I was connecting to the archetype and deities that co-create physical roses. Jung’s book led to this exploration that went beyond a meditation to achieve a quietness in the mind. It developed my meditation that led from exploring the heart center energy to petitioning the wise aspects of my psyche. I felt I had learned to achieve a centeredness with the heart energy and then take the next step to co-create with a newly discovered partnership and sacred marriage with my spiritual world. I was reaching into the unknown and allowing this to emerge through me into my art and my outer life. Jung had brought this to my awareness with new clarity and brought my explorations into consciousness into a new focus.

The Rose Goddess

The Emergence of “Our Lady of the Golden Flower”

I completed the painting “Sacrum Fire” prior to the “Rose Goddess”. I wanted to do this painting because I loved the patterns of the petals of this old world rose. The rose in the photo I used for reference was of a white rose. When I tried to paint the rose white my arm would become painful and stiff. When I switched the colors to the yellows and oranges it was a freeing experience and the pain went away. It feels now that the deity of my painting “Our Lady of the Golden Flower” was co-creating with me before I even learned from Jung about petitioning deities to assist in my growth.

Sacrum Fire

“Sacrum Fire” was part of the display in my show at the 2004  Mythic Journeys conference in Atlanta. At that show I guided a woman through an active meditation with this painting. The next day she thanked me because she had experienced an energy that moved through her body that opened her up. She told me she did not realize she had shut down herself to life and “Sacrum Fire” had opened her up to the passion of life. This painting has a powerful affect that opens the sacrum area and can be used in a meditation to feel the passion for life.

Grace; “Apparition of Our Lady of the Golden Flower”

The painting “Grace” is a companion painting to “Pool of Dreams” which are two paintings I used to explore the inner polarities of the masculine and feminine forces within myself. I was studying Chagall at the time and painted “Grace” after “Sacrum Fire” and prior to the “Rose Goddess”. The above close up of one section details the emergence of a female being among yellow/orange roses. In addition to exploring the masculine and feminine forces these paintings were also a time when I was exploring meditation with body energy in the major chakra areas.

I deepened this exploration by feeling the polarities within the major energy centers in the body during this time. The exploration of polarities at the body energy level moved into discovering the differences of what the masculine and feminine energies feel like within. Seeing Chagall’s paintings began to show me that within each of our psyches are these polar energies and feelings that can be differentiated into the masculine and feminine. His images led me to see how he painted from the masculine and feminine parts of himself. Several of his images were telling me how he had wanted to integrate the masculine and feminine parts of himself. I was inspired by this discovery from Chagall and in my meditations I began the exploration of integrating the masculine and feminine parts of my psyche. I was very curious to find out how these inner explorations would manifest into my outer life.

“Our Lady of the Golden Flower”

The Shamanic Journey to Direct Relationship with a Living Image

Detail of "Our Lady of the Golden Flower"

The painting “Our Lady of the Golden Flower” is a culmination of the previous paintings discussed above. This painting is the deep psychological and spiritual integration of the explorations mentioned above. The story evolved in a new way when I visited Luisa Kolker of Santa Fe in 2007. I asked Luisa to assist me in a shamanic journey to learn about what was most important for me during this time. She began her shamanic journey process with drumming and then singing while I was in a deep meditation. While in this meditation was a fluid visual state where I saw flowing golden colors that were extraordinary. Soon after this began a dialogue with a deity that called herself “Our lady of the Golden Flower”. The dialogue with her revealed that it was time to allow her to expand into my life with an open, direct dialogue. She was here to assist me in my explorations of consciousness and in my artistic pursuits. She made it clear that I would have to continue to surrender belief systems and thought forms that held me rigid in an unproductive space and that it was time to move beyond my explorations of my own consciousness. It was now for me to take my explorations into larger archetypes of the world and she would be there to assist me. As I worked on the painting below, I would move into an active meditation and petition the deity “Our Lady of the Golden Flower” to assist while I painted. I soon realized that this deity has been with me for a very long time assisting me to create living images of transformational art.

"Our Lady of the Golden Flower"

A Shamanic Journey with the Tz’utujil Maya of Guatemala

Heart of Albar

My journey moved into another depth when I committed for all of 2009 to participate and learn about the ritual activities of the Tz’utujil Maya. There is a phrase that is used in their cosmology that brings livingness to all of creation in everything around us, seen and unseen. This phrase “the heart of everything” expresses the integration of the belief that all things are alive with a soul. In my 28 years of exploring consciousness and meditation I had learned about the inner world of my psyche. I had learned when I was in unhealthy state of being driven from a disassociated inner world. My meditations no longer needed to be about clearing my thoughts and quieting the mental chatter of the mind. I can now bring the mental distractions into the compassion of the heart and allow transformation of old mental patterns that no longer serve me. Now the Tz’utujil Maya were teaching me to believe and feel “the heart of everything”. They were also teaching me to petition deities to assist me in my journey in human form to co-create with the deities of the unseen world. Now I am in the beginning realm Jung calls “individuation”. I’ve spent many years creating a foundation of an integrated psyche and now I can reach beyond my own self transformation an into co-creating with other archetypal forces. From my 28 years of exploration in these areas of depth psychology and shamanism, I know that this new foundation will bring forward continuous opportunities for self transformation. But now I can take this foundation into a new livingness and support to create a pathway for the mural project to emerge. Please see blog on the mural project vision.

The forces, deities & beings emerge....